Happy New Year! 2021!

What a year.

I won't say too much about this year - honestly, I  don't have much to say.

I guess my year has in someways been defined by the pandemic. && I've went through all the phases of quarantine:

content because my introvert heart can stay in almost indefinitely,
then starting to feel confined and claustrophobic and stuck,
to feeling grateful for family time, 
to needing a break from family time,
to baking, cooking, trying new things,
exercising, binge-watching Netflix and Disneyplus,writing,
feeling hopeful, scared, sad, hopeless,

and it continues to 2021.

What makes me feel somewhat indifferent this new year's eve is that January 01, 2021 won't feel too much different. Staying in, staying safe. Still no family gatherings, still no eating out. I can only hope that the rest of the year will look different, in a better way. 

Still, 2020 is full of surprises. Just like any other year, both the good & the bad, but times 100. 

Some of my memorable moment in 2020:

* writing & directing a special Christmas Musical for IFGF Kids Semarang. What a dream come true that only come in times like this :') from the writing, rehearsals, prep, shoot, edit, what a memorable experience it was!

* SO MANY FREE CONTENTS ONLINE! xD My fav: NT Live at home. Ahh.

* trying a new hairstyle by mistake HAHA. Not short, but much shorter. But it's the pandemic, so what the heck. Paired it with headband & I'm loving it!

* driving license! major.

* Jakarta-Semarang one-way trip, & Semarang-Jakarta return trip! 

* Cooking FIRST ever Christmas dinner! Only after 24 years of age we can have a Christmas meal together :)

* attending my first wedding in Indo as an invited guest! xD usually i tag along 

* did a 31-day polaroid challenge to learn how to use the thing ahhaa. tiny improvements & expensive haha but so much fun!

* Musikal Laskar Pelangi's MovinLab! ahhh such a dream to listen to legends telling their stories about this legendary piece of art!

* found a life-changing brown butter, caramel chocolate chip cookie HAHA does this count?

* baked from Beatrix's cookbook. love how detailed it is even though it's a bit more involved!

* got to take part in IFGF Youth's Christmas. && after a year of not ministering together, they've improved soo much. so proud of them!

* got to take part in Unleash Conference as copywriter! && in IFGF Conference as one of the translators! 

* NOT dining in in restaurants for 8+ months!!! 

* 1st job! 1st pay check!! & got through the probation! xD

* and coincidentally, moved to the big city for only 2 weeks HAHA

* GRAY

* one night, i laid my yoga mat outside on the backyard, and just stare at the starry sky for a while xD

 

In 2019, I got to travel loads,
while in 2020 my days are filled quite literally by my bright pink room and zoom meetings and technology. Both frustrated/thankful for technology. Though mostly thankful that the pandemic hits when we are able to do soooooo much online!

Where most of our old ways are no longer relevant,
we are forced to re-imagine life, 
to be creative and flexible more than ever.

Although hopefully it develops into life-long skill that makes us all better and tougher for it, 
let's hope 2021 feels kinder ;)

xx

-*^^*-

24 is a good number, too.

There are 4 minutes left on my birthday this year. 

It's funny how I loathed its coming, but I don't want to see it go to soon, too.

I guess it's because the next time I'll be seeing my birthday, it's when I turn 25.

I'm never ready to grow up. I'm never ready to grow old.

I guess you see more examples of how life seems so unfair and unpredictable as you grow older.

And it clouds the beauty of getting older. 

There is beauty in it, though. 

In growth. 

I have yet to find it, but I believe it. 

I see it in people all around me. 

I'll see it in me, too, someday.

But for everything I have yet to learn to love about birthdays,
I am so thankful for the people around me,
those who remembers and takes time to say hi, or send stuff my way.

Help me embrace the coming of age :)

xx

-*^^*-

Memory of the Liberty Island

It’s been 8 years since Liberty Island.

How do I remember that? I have my ways.

Life’s been so different since then.

Summer of 2012, I was about to transfer to a new high school. I was researching universities with drama/stage management degrees, not thinking about writing for a living yet. I was 6 kgs lighter than I am today.  I haven’t read the books and watched the movies and found the right fashion style that define me today. 

But I think back to that particular day a lot.

I keep wondering when I’ll get the chance to go back to that magically glorious city, to marvel once again at those iconic landmarks, and taste the so-called ‘American Dream’.

I remembered being so happy on that island. I remembered open air, sunny sky, the ferry ride, then walking towards the statue, each step realizing how grand it really is. I remembered the picture being taken. I remembered walking back to the pier, content.

I remembered the rain that came not long after that. But even soaked, I was still happy. We got hot chocolate afterwards on a fancy bodega. The sun returned soon enough.

I've learned along the way that memory is a cruel thing. 

Going back to the same place won't recreate the same experience, even when we have the same people around. Memory we can only hold it dear in our minds and imagination, but never relive it again. 

But memory can sometimes be kind, as to give some hope, relieve, and joy. 

The memory of Liberty Island gives me a little ache but so much joy. 

I am still revolving and searching.

But the memories I hold on to helps me be grateful for each process,

because even happy, it won't be my happiest days, yet.  

My happiness might not look as beautiful and fancy as Liberty Island. 

It might look a lot more modest than the Big Apple, 

and I might never stop dreaming of going back,

But with everything I've picked up since then,

I also learn to create my own happiness. 

Walking barefoot on the backyard at night, happy. 

Ready a good book under the tropical heat, happy.

A mug of cold chocolate on a hot summer's night, happy.

Re-watching Taylor Swift's Reputation Stadium Tour, happy.

Sleeping early and waking up without an alarm, happy.

Filling up a notebook, happy.

Plain toast, happy.

I am grateful that I can remember that day on the Liberty Island, and a huge smile came to my lips.

And I am grateful that even here and now, even when I might never go back, I too am happy.

Happy New Year! 2020!

I didn't get it at first. Semua orang bilang, ini akhir dari sebuah dekade. But it really is, isn't it? The 2010's is over. 

This year, I looked back and saw how much I've grown. 

I don't hate myself as much when I'm being the loudest person in the room. 

I love connecting with people, some of the time.

I found myself in a position where I could share my knowledge and guide people younger than me to become something better than myself. 

Although I still have so much more to learn, I realized that I'm a completely different person than I was -- say -- 5 or 6 years ago. And for that I am amazed and grateful. 

So, 2020 will be a mystery. I'm yet to find out what I should do next. Dreams are big but reality is, well, real. Still, 2019 has so many memories to celebrate:

- Bought a polaroid camera!! Been loving it ever since!

- Caught a performance of 33 Variations starring Ellen Burstyn - incredible.

- Attended a beautiful wedding in Melbourne!

- Watched John Mayer performing live xxx - tix bought with only 1 week to go!

- Summer Mission reunion in Surabaya - lots of friendly faces. 

- IFGF Conference - after 4 years or so? loved it.

- Went back to Indonesia for good :)

- Went back to Melbourne for a visit!

- Serving at VBS after so many years! & at Kids Christmas!

- Hillsong Worship & Creative Conference 2019! With a friend this time! Unforgettable last session. Prayers answered, clarity gained.

- Sydney trip - including a 2-hour Coggee-Bondi walk :)

- SHAWN MENDES. & merch. & 'If I Can't Have You'. 

- tried to keep a daily Insta feed. Failed, but oh well. 

- Xing Fu Tang & Kokumi. 'nuff said.

- Youth's new service venue & format! & the Church's new building!

- baked a Christmas treat for everyone hehe.

This has been short but meaningful reflection.

I'll just leave it right here. Can't wait to see what 2020's reflection will look like. 

xx

-*^^*-